Tag Archives: victim

The Victim Role in the DramaTriangle

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Superman as victim of Kryptonite

Superman as victim of Kryptonite

In the victim role, whether it is us or our client, there is a sense of ” Poor Me”. An internal voice may say ” Why is this always happening to me?” If  we have transactions falling apart it can send us spiraling into victim hood. The experience of this is a sense of being powerless, hopeless, helpless and a victim of circumstances beyond our control.

A client may be searching for the perfect house as other choices are sold out from under them. They may express that this is always happening to them and they feel frustrated and powerless to find the house that will be a perfect fit.

The victim searches for a “Rescuer” in the drama triangle. Often the agent works harder and harder to become that “Rescuer” that will find the solution to the victim’s dilemma.

When we choose to stay in victim mode, decision making becomes more difficult, life gets harder, and and our vision becomes clouded. All of these support the role of acting out the victim role as we look for confirmation that this is the way things are.

 

 

 

 

The role we unconsciously play- Persecutor

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The Persecutor

The Persecutor

As one of the roles in The Drama Triangle, the Persecutor can be the agent or the client. The Persecutor is sometimes authoritarian, which may sound something like, ” The is the price I will list at, or we won’t be doing business together!” The Persecutor may be highly critical which may sound something like, “This house will never sell!” So you can see how the role could be you as the agent, or the client could also be in this role.

Someone who is used to playing this role will treat the other party like a victim or a child. An example would be a client who asks a question the agent thinks is silly. The agent goes into the role of Persecutor and treats the client as weak and helpless. While not stated overtly, the agent may become condescending every time this client calls and talk down to them.

 

The Drama Triangle

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Superman Drama

Superman Drama

 

In NLP, The Drama Triangle refers to roles that play out in highly charged situations. Each and every client we work with comes to us with a strategy for the sale or purchase of a home. This operates like a movie storyboard or a life script that may  run a strategy in many areas of their lives.  Being a part of this movie script prevents equality in the relationship and will go for as long as one of you is willing to play a role.

The Drama Triangle refers to three roles in the strategy of power, responsibility and vulnerability. The roles are played on an unconscious level, as a matter of fact, you may be playing one right now as the agent and not even realize it. When we buy into the drama of any situations, it can escalate problems.

The three positions are:

The way these roles interact with each other happens in a way that self perpetuates. The Persecutor will blame the victim, the victim feels oppressed, the victim will find a Rescuer, when the Rescuer cannot save the victim, guilt will follow  and the Rescuer may take on the role of a permissive and attention giving parent, which reinforces the victim who is seeking attention.

The Rescuer who has failed, now takes on the role of the victim. ( Ever tried to save a deal, failed and went into victim mode?) The person who was originally the victim, now takes on the role of Persecutor and criticizes the person who was trying to rescue them. ( The client who is now angry because their deal fell through changes from victim to persecutor, blaming the agent for everything that went wrong)

As you look at your own role as an agent, are you checking to see whether your are rescuing your client, playing the victim, or persecuting your client? What action do you need to take to stop the cycle?