Tag Archives: Rescuer

The Victim Role in the DramaTriangle

1 Reply
Superman as victim of Kryptonite

Superman as victim of Kryptonite

In the victim role, whether it is us or our client, there is a sense of ” Poor Me”. An internal voice may say ” Why is this always happening to me?” If  we have transactions falling apart it can send us spiraling into victim hood. The experience of this is a sense of being powerless, hopeless, helpless and a victim of circumstances beyond our control.

A client may be searching for the perfect house as other choices are sold out from under them. They may express that this is always happening to them and they feel frustrated and powerless to find the house that will be a perfect fit.

The victim searches for a “Rescuer” in the drama triangle. Often the agent works harder and harder to become that “Rescuer” that will find the solution to the victim’s dilemma.

When we choose to stay in victim mode, decision making becomes more difficult, life gets harder, and and our vision becomes clouded. All of these support the role of acting out the victim role as we look for confirmation that this is the way things are.

 

 

 

 

The Drama Triangle

Leave a reply
Superman Drama

Superman Drama

 

In NLP, The Drama Triangle refers to roles that play out in highly charged situations. Each and every client we work with comes to us with a strategy for the sale or purchase of a home. This operates like a movie storyboard or a life script that may  run a strategy in many areas of their lives.  Being a part of this movie script prevents equality in the relationship and will go for as long as one of you is willing to play a role.

The Drama Triangle refers to three roles in the strategy of power, responsibility and vulnerability. The roles are played on an unconscious level, as a matter of fact, you may be playing one right now as the agent and not even realize it. When we buy into the drama of any situations, it can escalate problems.

The three positions are:

The way these roles interact with each other happens in a way that self perpetuates. The Persecutor will blame the victim, the victim feels oppressed, the victim will find a Rescuer, when the Rescuer cannot save the victim, guilt will follow  and the Rescuer may take on the role of a permissive and attention giving parent, which reinforces the victim who is seeking attention.

The Rescuer who has failed, now takes on the role of the victim. ( Ever tried to save a deal, failed and went into victim mode?) The person who was originally the victim, now takes on the role of Persecutor and criticizes the person who was trying to rescue them. ( The client who is now angry because their deal fell through changes from victim to persecutor, blaming the agent for everything that went wrong)

As you look at your own role as an agent, are you checking to see whether your are rescuing your client, playing the victim, or persecuting your client? What action do you need to take to stop the cycle?

 

 

Should you rescue your client?

Leave a reply
Superman Drama

Superman Drama

As Real Estate Agents, we  aspire to bring our best self to our clients. Aside from personality layers and belief systems, we are all decent people who simply want the best for others. If was saw one of our clients needed our help, we would not hesitate.

Sometimes agents can take on more than their fair share of the work involved in selling a home. They go into “Rescuer” and “Fixer” mode. You might have gone overboard if you are:

  • Reducing your commission several times a year to put a deal together.
  • Purchasing furniture from the client because it doesn’t fit on their moving truck.
  • Having many conversations to “save” your deal without letting the other agent or the client be part of the solution.
  • Buying a client an overly extravagant gift that makes them feel uncomfortable.
  • Getting involved in the emotions and drama of the deal
  • Buying into a client’s story and repeating it to stir the pot.
  • Not taking care of yourself, so you are stressed and on overload when you try to help the client
  • Being overly attached to the outcome and feel responsible for everything.
  • Having the thought that they don’t know what they are doing.
  • Feeling guilt if you don’t try to rescue them.
  • Worrying about your client and being overly empathetic.
  • Telling people the dramatic story of how you rescued someone!

On some level, all of our clients want us to support their strategy or system. You too can be drawn into their world if you allow it. If they have a strategy of being a victim and you have a strategy of being the rescuer, you will meet and the relationship will one of co-dependence. If any of the above apply to you, it’s useful to talk to your coach and observe what makes you want to rescue people. Do you have a fear of losing control? Are you validated by rescuing those you see as victims?

The agent who rescues a needy client reduces the client’s power so that the client shows up in a weak state and will ask the agent for emotional or financial help at every twist and turn. I know an agent who got so caught up in being a rescuer, she was mowing her clients grass and cleaning their house at no charge!

It’s very similar to a parent/child relationship where a marshmallow parent rescues a child by allowing them to do whatever they want ( clients) without allowing them to step up to be responsible for their actions.

The language of the “Rescuer” is ” Let me help you”. On an unconscious level, we expect clients to fail if we are trying to rescue this person and see them in the “Victim” role.

There is frantic activity when we are trying to rescue someone. When we are frantic, we make our clients frantic. Maybe clients have their own super powers.