Have you heard any of these statements in the last six months: “How dare the buyer make such an offer!”, “We want to wait to list until the market recovers,” or “You’ll have to take less commission because I’m making less profit.”

Dear agents…technology and gadgets can’t begin to help you like the study of human nature and language can.

People want to be heard in this market. As sales associates, we have to give our clients the space to vent their frustrations without rushing in to give them all the reasons why they shouldn’t be feeling the way they do. Our job is to have the emotional intelligence to be understanding. To be sure, building this kind of trust takes a little longer but will hold your relationship together through the appraisal cuts and home inspection issues. Now you’ve become not just the real estate agent, but the trusted advisor as well.

The words we say create the meaning for our clients. In NLP ( Neuro Linguistic Programming) we use the psychology of language to move people out of fear and into a more resourceful state. Based on the work of two famous therapists, NLP can shift one’s thinking in a very short period of time. Simple language patterns and the sequence of words create a new reality. This goes way beyond giving a consumer the features and benefits of a different decision, it actually appeals to their unconscious mind and facilitates a positive direction.

Here are ten tips for getting your clients “unstuck”.

1. Take the BUT out. Always acknowledge clients with responses like I understand, I can appreciate that, or that makes sense. Too often we say things like “I understand, BUT…” Did you know that the word BUT negates anything that was said before it in the sentence and causes resistance to the listener? Set up a linguistic chain of teamwork and replace all your BUTS with the word AND.

2. Future Pacing is essential right from the beginning. Future pacing is a practice session for multiple outcomes. We practice different scenarios and ask the client how he or she would react. For instance: “What will happen if the seller won’t take your first offer?” You now have a window into his or her strategy and can talk it through before it happens. Future pacing can expand into an art form when you take it to the level of mastery.

3. People are doing the best they can in the situation they are in. When we can accept people on their own playing field, we give them respect. The clients who think they can sell the house themselves deserves to be acknowledged for trying to save some money. Our job is to educate them by showing that there is solid evidence that they can preserve more equity with a skilled agent. Being an agent who understands is more important than being an agent who is right. So, get your own ego out of the way and enjoy more commission checks!

4. Never take it personally. In “The Four Agreements”, Don Miguel Ruiz says “Nothing other people do is because of you, it is because of themselves.” Buyers and sellers may want to blame you when they feel out of control. Once you can step out of the drama and watch what unfolds without taking it personally, things start to fall into place.

5. Put yourself in their shoes. While we all know we should do this when a client goes off the charts, NLP provides a very effective exercise for clarifying this. Pick three positions on the floor, one is your position, one their position, and the third one is the position of observer/mediator. As you stand in each spatial position, observe the other positions and what you’re perceiving and understanding. This exercise is a mirror for exploring other peoples’ viewpoints and coming away with a new response.

6. Rapport building is more important than ever. A few years ago, we could have anticipated being with a buyer or seller for six days, and now it can be six months or longer. Lack of long-term rapport building skills can be exponentially disastrous to our business. In NLP, this means we must understand body language, eye patterns and representational systems to better connect with people.

7. Reframe the situation. Has there ever been a time when you thought something was true and your opinion completely changed? You can effectively reframe a situation for your client by getting them out of the belief that may be holding them back. The use of NLP level shifts, metaphors and stories can create a whole new reality so that they now see a different picture.

8. Be aware of your own triggers. When we become reactive to a situation, it’s a great opportunity to understand the patterns that don’t serve us. One of the greatest side benefits of our business is self growth and inquiry. Take a deep breath and ask yourself, “What was it about that person or situation that triggered my response?” “How is my response adding to the problem?

9. Take responsibility. Whether it was your fault or not, the way to diffuse a difficult situation is to take responsibility, and then offer multiple solutions. This is a quality of great leaders and allows the frustration and finger pointing to melt away. Nothing makes clients more agitated than being in a conflict where no one will take responsibility. Move them away from fight or flight into a more resourceful state by simply being the one to help them gain back the feeling of choice.

10. Give them the big picture. There is a scale of understanding that moves from the minute to the larger overview. When clients are stuck in the details, help them understand the importance of the big picture, using words like generally, essentially, and in a nutshell. Help them understand the best outcome for their future and they will always self-solve their own dilemma.Our fast moving and changing world of real estate can create stress for all parties to a transaction. It’s worth taking the time to build the right relationships as well as getting the job done.

For more information on exercises and techniques of neuro-linguistic programming ( NLP) as it relates to the real estate business, sign up for a free introductory call by emailing donna.fl[email protected].