Sometimes current affairs can be instructive.
Talk show host and media commentator Glen Beck appeared on CNN last Sunday, and when asked about a report that his company was imploding from another round of layoffs, he walked off the set. Clearly he had been put on the spot, and from the unconscious choices of flight, fight, or freeze, he fled.
Most of us have been put on the spot at some point, challenged, or accused, or questioned, or required to explain ourselves. The common elements of being put on the spot are:
- It is unexpected
- It is a shock
- It hits our hot button
When Beck was asked if his company was in trouble, or if he was trying to find a buyer, you can see his reaction play out on television for millions to see. Why would this particular stimulus evoke such a response?
Because when you ask someone why they have failed, you are likely to lead them to a negative state. If you ask someone what they are doing to succeed, you are leading them to a positive state.
This is why you might not want to lead an expired seller with a question like, “So why do you think your house didn’t sell? When you look at this question, it’s similar in context to the question that was posed in the Glen Beck interview. Reminding people of where they may have failed or are perceived to have failed causes the primal mind to react.
Has a seller every put you on the spot? Your broker, your spouse? At one time or another, we have all been challenged, accused, or questioned. We are not rational people when this happens!
There are skills that when practiced can help when your hot buttons get pushed or you push someone else’s hot buttons.
- Observe when this happens to you or to a client you are working with. After the event, write down the exact nature of the words or the tone that created the reaction. What was the lesson?
- If it is a client having the reaction, you might say something like, ” I know you weren’t expecting this, I had to take a deep breath too.”
- Practice showing no outward reaction and catch a breath. Ask a clarifying question which will give you time to collect yourself.
- When challenged by a client, use an NLP conversation shift, or look momentarily at anything other than the person challenging you. This will help you detach emotionally from your challenger.
- Change state as quickly as possible by looking for solutions which is a more positive conversation.
What are some of the ways your hot buttons get pushed in Real Estate?